Lost?

.

I think I may have lost something somewhere
Between Queens boulevard
Brooklyn and Times Square
David Burke's at Bloomingdales
Marrakesh on 53rd
Or one of those Indian places on Lex
Amid soft pink shirts
And narrow grey ties. Tie bars and
That cute nasal twangy accent.
Conservative in New York and don't stand a chance.

Eventually, I hope it should become clear:
If I found myself in this foreign land.
Or I lost something somewhere out here.

.

Isn't everyone running?

.

That moment of inveterate invincibility
Of the feeling you're running full throttle
The wind streaming through your hair
And all you can hear is your heart beating
And all your energy is concentrated
At the rhythm of your heaving lungs
Your breasts aching from the strain of
Leaving behind whatever it was you were running from

You're launching yourself now
Arms outstretched and arching
Like the wings of an eagle
Each an every cell in your toes aching
To take off.

.

Not tonight

.

Those few minutes of exposure
Burned my skin
The breasts just about
Imploded. Heaving heavily, I swallowed
That sweet taste of lust in my mouth.

Yet I couldn't have imagined
The unborn sound of your kisses
With him around
My mind, my heart and wound
Round each of my errant fingers.

.

Here

.

Most of the time they're in their phone or sleeping
But every now and then there's a girl weeping
In the subway from 34th street to Newport
Or the slow local from Dadar to Vikhroli

She always breaths in deeply pretending to be ok
But the dimples in her chin give her away
That brave young banker in a big big world
That abandoned and broken hearted mother of four

.

When you grow up

.

Don't look at me with those large puppy dog eyes
And shaggy hair. Miss me miss me no more.

The friendship, affection and good will weren't lies
Nor effervescent. They just washed ashore.

Carry with you the past but let the future arise
Beyond denial. Leave behind the blood and gore.

.

Stabbed

.

The bed springs are convoluted
They're pulling me instead
Swallowing me into
The heart of the bed
My nakedness groping
Hopelessly for you

But you stand at a distance
Futility squeezing at your heart
Watching in cool moderation
Thinking I'm only playing a part
My legs spread out now
In desperation.

.

Pest

.

What's this over here?
I didn't notice it before
But today it demands
Attention

Scratching and bobbing
At the inner walls
Of the
Vein in my left arm.

.

Corner

.

It's where you're at
Staring back
Large eyes
Slithering

Trying to overcome this candle
Between you
and me
and this darkness

.

Whoosh

.

Im drifting now
Or sinking fast
Or flooding over
Or going under
You
Manage somehow
To bend me back
Or mould me over
Or touch me down

.

Escape

.

But today I am awake
like a hundred watt bulb
And I can see all around me
Right through the shallow waters
And the sheer curtains

And the translucent skin.
It hurts.
To look at the strife that was yesterday
To know it has just faded into nothing
And nothingness grabs at my feet - as I run.

.

Gone

.

Today I'm here
And there
Fingers dismembered
In a pool of blood
Entangled in hair
Soft brown and curled

.

Gremlin

.

Today I will say that I am ready:
If i jump in without too much thought
then backtrack a little and say I'm sorry
I wonder if you will regret me or not
Or resent what I said in careless abandon
Recklessly messing up your deck of cards:

Then leaping into silences you cannot fathom
Or bragging about myself like a filthy braggart
Will you poke me in the eye then say take care
Or pull the carpet right from under my feet
Cheat on me - shove me - or treat me unfair
Shoot me in the forehead and leave me to bleed.

.

Unsettled Tummy

.

In my head you deserve to get this thing
You're getting
But I don't seem to be getting
That thing that I thought I deserved.

For now each day passes with stretching
And adjusting
And going home quietly to my thoughts.
My hand sits limp in yours, expecting.

And you seem to have to recall
That you're here, and this is happening
Now.
And I remind myself that you deserve this...

.

Ugh

.

My heart has yearned for five minutes of honest audience
But to beg your loved one and be denied
Simple pleasures that make life beautiful
For horrid creatures that keep you awake
Not knowing why a simple thing is difficult
A small thing chronically neglected
A disease - a cancer - an open wound
That started from maybe one pin prick.

.

The Neem tree

.

In the middle of the courtyard there is a Neem tree.
Many tender hearts cling to its roots
And many tears are shed under its shadow
It's shadow is unwavering through flickering Time
Time as determined as Life is fickle:
That throbs sometimes above
And sometimes below the green grass.

You're twice as deep as you are tall
As dark beneath as green above
As warm beneath as cool above
As alive beneath as alive above.

What secrets are smuggled
Through that impregnable barrier?
What wisdom makes you stand so sure?

.

Getting there

.

I've rolled on this highway
Like a ball would roll on a see-saw:
From one end to the other -
With just enough balance
Between ends
To change my avatar.

Eventually the two ends meet
Space seems to shrink and I'm
surfing straight into
The eye of the maelstrom:
Kajal in one eye
And tears in the other.

.

Suspended

.

The last drop dripped
Down from the tap
And touched my wrist
It flowed down my palm
Along my life line
To my index finger -
To the tip of my nail -
And stopped.

.

Angst

The back of my head
Melted into my soft white pillow
And the flesh on my arms
Decomposed
Spewing warm red blood
On cool white sheets
Strange hands cajoled my forehead
To surrender, And I
Oozed into the mattress...

I filter through to the other side -
Precipitate
As a cool, clear drop, that fell
Twenty thousand feet without a parachute
Splashing harshly on one leaf
And then another
Loosing myself - helpless.
Only to find, on the way, dripping around
So many others like me.

Allegiance

.

Horrors have riddled
The back of your face with scars
And they're visible through
Your fragile skin
Terrible acts you haven't witnessed
But only heard of
Against people you've never met
But are connected to
Through time
Through blood-lines
Through destiny.

.

Meeting Point part-II

.

You came tip-toeing in from the back door:
In the dark you upset the dresser,
Heart-shaped photo frames snapped shut
And fell with a smart,
Carrying loved ones with them.

Intricate patterns drawn patiently in dust
Lay pock-marked with your foot prints,
Delicate lace curtains stained
with the grime on your hands.
The asters in your hair tumbled down to my prayer mat.

The grandfather clock was ticking in a dark corner.
You stood in the middle of a room
You clearly didn't belong in.
Your giggle strangled by a fearful pout
You reached out with your finger to poke me.

I sat in the pool of light falling from the window
Sad that you had disappeared from the garden.
I turned and looked at you astounded
My prayer stopped with a jolt on my lips
And returned helplessly to my heart.

.