Lost?

.

I think I may have lost something somewhere
Between Queens boulevard
Brooklyn and Times Square
David Burke's at Bloomingdales
Marrakesh on 53rd
Or one of those Indian places on Lex
Amid soft pink shirts
And narrow grey ties. Tie bars and
That cute nasal twangy accent.
Conservative in New York and don't stand a chance.

Eventually, I hope it should become clear:
If I found myself in this foreign land.
Or I lost something somewhere out here.

.

Isn't everyone running?

.

That moment of inveterate invincibility
Of the feeling you're running full throttle
The wind streaming through your hair
And all you can hear is your heart beating
And all your energy is concentrated
At the rhythm of your heaving lungs
Your breasts aching from the strain of
Leaving behind whatever it was you were running from

You're launching yourself now
Arms outstretched and arching
Like the wings of an eagle
Each an every cell in your toes aching
To take off.

.

Tug of war

Time is pulling hard on my heartstrings now
Steadily as I grow older I feel less rested
Setback after setback my humor convoluted
And Burden upon burden my soul retributed

Yet I'm walking backwards whenever I'm looking at you
And life's pace a little slower though it's a little disrupted
My soul a little prettier, even if it isn't gifted
And my intents a little nobler though sometimes I've been wicked.

Not tonight

.

Those few minutes of exposure
Burned my skin
The breasts just about
Imploded. Heaving heavily, I swallowed
That sweet taste of lust in my mouth.

Yet I couldn't have imagined
The unborn sound of your kisses
With him around
My mind, my heart and wound
Round each of my errant fingers.

.

Here

.

Most of the time they're in their phone or sleeping
But every now and then there's a girl weeping
In the subway from 34th street to Newport
Or the slow local from Dadar to Vikhroli

She always breaths in deeply pretending to be ok
But the dimples in her chin give her away
That brave young banker in a big big world
That abandoned and broken hearted mother of four

.

Conifer and the snow

.

He has frozen over now
And fallen heavily on her bough
Hardened over time by things he saw
Although. She had warned him.

But as leaf after leaf had fallen each day
Naked branches clearly on display
Her tears now useless she began to pray
Although. She couldn't want him

.

When you grow up

.

Don't look at me with those large puppy dog eyes
And shaggy hair. Miss me miss me no more.

The friendship, affection and good will weren't lies
Nor effervescent. They just washed ashore.

Carry with you the past but let the future arise
Beyond denial. Leave behind the blood and gore.

.

Che Mein Zu

.

Hundred thousand of the nation's army
Marched all over your soul night and day.

I hear it snowed all over
The wounds refusing the heal even much later.

Today was full of the cold northerly wind
hail and shower
Last night your warm hands
Covered mine all over

.

Stabbed

.

The bed springs are convoluted
They're pulling me instead
Swallowing me into
The heart of the bed
My nakedness groping
Hopelessly for you

But you stand at a distance
Futility squeezing at your heart
Watching in cool moderation
Thinking I'm only playing a part
My legs spread out now
In desperation.

.

Pest

.

What's this over here?
I didn't notice it before
But today it demands
Attention

Scratching and bobbing
At the inner walls
Of the
Vein in my left arm.

.

Not here

.

I used to love
Watching the sun go down
Over the ocean
The little strip of sand
That's left of Dadar beach
The stinking stench
Of rotting seaweed
The strays that barked
At passing walkers

Today I'm here
But not really

.

Corner

.

It's where you're at
Staring back
Large eyes
Slithering

Trying to overcome this candle
Between you
and me
and this darkness

.

Whoosh

.

Im drifting now
Or sinking fast
Or flooding over
Or going under
You
Manage somehow
To bend me back
Or mould me over
Or touch me down

.

Shawlwala

.

He said Meow
And she said Billi
For an awkward moment
Thoughts befuddle
And separation
Discernible
From the tangible closeness
Of a long-distance cuddle

.

Ascension

.

There is a largish bubble now
In a vein in my left arm
It creeps and lumps together
More of its kind
Right under my skin
There is a bubble growing
Now large enough
To constrict my throat
Lungs shriveled but there's
A storm brewing
In my breast
Limbs now powerless:
I rise

. 

An incomplete poem

.

Like a drop that drips from the feather
Of the owl that roosts
On the tip
Of the world
I will blow a wish and surrender
And fall a thousand feet
Beneath
Who I was...
Your childish grin enlightens -
it tickles me and nudges me -
Sparkling
That you are.
Tonight you hug yourself and sleep
But tomorrow is forever:

.

Angel

.

A man of means
Suspended by dollar bills
Stapled together
Would fall hopelessly
But he has wings
Growing off his back
Light and feather
And worries but fleetingly

.

Escape

.

But today I am awake
like a hundred watt bulb
And I can see all around me
Right through the shallow waters
And the sheer curtains

And the translucent skin.
It hurts.
To look at the strife that was yesterday
To know it has just faded into nothing
And nothingness grabs at my feet - as I run.

.

Gone

.

Today I'm here
And there
Fingers dismembered
In a pool of blood
Entangled in hair
Soft brown and curled

.

Road

.

She rides gently on his back:
He rumbles softly -
Ggrummmph.

Humph.
Puffy
Poof!

She sticks her torso out the window
Index finger touching
Hair a-wildly
Entagled-y-blowing

Soon she'll roll right off his back
Choose this way - or that -
Into the clouds or
The wilderness black

Or crash - a-tumblin'

Wwhoooshh.
Wishy
Wash.

To his mirth.

Without him - she's nothin'

.

Gremlin

.

Today I will say that I am ready:
If i jump in without too much thought
then backtrack a little and say I'm sorry
I wonder if you will regret me or not
Or resent what I said in careless abandon
Recklessly messing up your deck of cards:

Then leaping into silences you cannot fathom
Or bragging about myself like a filthy braggart
Will you poke me in the eye then say take care
Or pull the carpet right from under my feet
Cheat on me - shove me - or treat me unfair
Shoot me in the forehead and leave me to bleed.

.

Of the art of tackling big waves

.

And now the feet are off the ground
In a few moments
He'll either crash over you
Or you'll be over him.

.

A placating ode to guilt after an indulging midnight snack

.

Bubble tubble
little trouble
gubble chubble
chocolate double
Fatty watty
smelly ratty!
Hubble mubble
under blanketty.

.

Ring-rrrring

.

Sometimes I hear my old ringtone
In a crowded room or train bogey
And a distinctive pang grabs my heart
Oh-my-god, I miss that old phone
I lost :(

.

Displaced

.

Move it part by part
For saving energy
Very slowly, it's here
but it's moving
part by part
So you won't notice
until one day half of it is gone
To another place
And has other dreams
Other choices
That you weren't prepared for

And cut the heaviest parts finer
But not too fine
Or you won't be able to put it together again

.

Ah, heaven!

.


I left the chicken thawing in the kitchen sink
Cotton balls full of kajal on my dresser
And sat all evening next to the window to think

I let the rain fall heavily on my soul
Pitter patter and unravel dust in crevices
Between beautiful tiles laid neatly in rows

I left the prayer-mat crumpled beneath me
And the bookshelf frowning disdainfully
For my unscrupulous want of the desire to read

For my unscrupulous want of the desire to do anything
Other than repose on soft cushions and listen to the rain
And watch a young leaf dilly-dally, and dance or something...

.

Unsettled Tummy

.

In my head you deserve to get this thing
You're getting
But I don't seem to be getting
That thing that I thought I deserved.

For now each day passes with stretching
And adjusting
And going home quietly to my thoughts.
My hand sits limp in yours, expecting.

And you seem to have to recall
That you're here, and this is happening
Now.
And I remind myself that you deserve this...

.

Harvest

.

And round and round the thought
Plunders her insides
First her heart
and then her head
And again her heart -
As she grapples with the facts -
The sounds
The voices -
And formulates dialogue.
Things she will say tomorrow
Words like pebbles on the river bed
Thoughts that make her stop for breath
As heaving and heaving she falls on to the couch
And hugs a cushion terribly!
And then the release suddenly - as though she was dipping her fingers
In a clear flowing stream. And there was nothing but the rustling of leaves
And gentle eyes that looked at her with diluted passion
And a crop of curly hair...

.

Chameleon

.

Sometimes my hair are red and I'm
blazing through life at break-neck speed
Recklessly getting into one scrape and then the next
And breaking all bounds of decency
And Sometimes my hair are brown and I
Spend a couple hours a day with my nose in a book
Figuring out Fisher's linear discriminant function
Or the recipe of pineapple upside down cake -
Then all of a sudden my hair turn gold!
And I can be found giggling in any mall of the city
Trying dresses I'm never going to wear
And commenting on those Oh-so-L.S. leggings these days (ugh!)
At night sometimes my hair are grey - and I

Am seriously contemplating the secrets of the world
How God has designed things and why
And how little children are like the beginning of everything
Yet in my dreams my hair are always black
And long like Rapunzel's.
And I'm lying in wait like Sleeping Beauty
Or crying alone like Cinderella.

.

Not home

.

She spent a couple of hours
On the blue leather tub chair
Wrapped up in a bedsheet
Rocking
Wondering
Why he isn't here.
Why he doesn't come.
She rocked and stared and stared
At the glass half full of the cheap Goan Feni
The cigarette ash floating on the surface
Thinking it will be morning soon
And then she would escape
The senseless laughter
From a place she
Clearly did not belong.

.